Second Chances

I'm running out of people to believe in.

The voices scream "Second Chance,"

But I need a reason to begin.

I spent so much damn time

Just keeping my head above water,

I forgot I knew how to swim.

The man on that corner said, 

"Don't save I love you for tomorrow."

But what good are sweet words

When there's nothing else to follow.

I can't say exactly what it is I'm feeling,

But I've never been in this place before.

I'm trying to get out, kicking and screaming,

But you've got your back to the door.

My curse is my admiration,

But yours is so much worse.

You and your damn indecision,

You're not the man I thought you were.

When you left my mother told me,
"It'll be okay, the world keeps turning."
But that's the problem.
I told you I would love you
Until the earth stopped spinning.

A Letter To The Man I Love

I too often over-complicate reality. I over analyze your words and actions, forgetting that you are a simple man and that love is a simple thing. I get jealous without meaning to, I yearn for your attention like a toddler, and I doubt myself much more often than I care to admit. But you take it all in stride, showing me nothing but patience and understanding. You never raise your voice or get irritated with me… or at least you never show it. You are the biggest constant in my life, and I am grateful everyday that I have you to lean on. I admire your work ethic, your passion, and most of all your heart. You inspire me every day to be a better version of myself. You make me so proud, and so happy to have you in my life. You have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and still choose both every time. You are my partner in crime, my midnight companion. Someone who knows when I am smiling, even in the dark.

I’m scared of falling in love.
I lose myself.
I’m so malleable in love
That I become completely distorted from my reality.
I forget who I am
And who I was before him.
I don’t want to fall in love,
But I love you so completely.

We have all hurt someone tremendously,

Whether by intent or accident. 

We have all loved someone tremendously, 

Whether by intent or accident. 

It is an intrinsic human trait, 

And a deep responsibility, 

I think, 

To be an organ and a blade. 

But, learning to forgive ourselves and others 

Because we have not chosen wisely 

Is what makes us most human. 

We make horrible mistakes. 

It’s how we learn. 

We breathe love. 

It’s how we learn. 

And it is inevitable.

A Letter To The Man Who Loves Me

I.
You can tell me
You love me
In the sunrise
And by midday
I will think
I’m completely
Alone.
Your love is enough
But I feel like
I’m not enough for your love.

II.
I will wake you up
At 2 am
When I’m stone-cold-sober
To say sorry
For everything.
You won’t know what I’m talking about.
Neither will I.
Say it’s okay.

III.
Some days
I will tell you
I need you to hold me.
Tell me
I am strong on my own
But you’ll be there
Just the same.

IV.
I am and will be
Jealous of
Everyone and everything
That goes on
When you’re not with me.
Remind me
That you care but
Never let me make you
Feel guilty for not letting
Your world revolve
Around me.

V.
When I call you crying
One too many times
I don’t need advice,
Just to know
That my tears are not
Falling unheard.

VI.
I will accuse you
Of being sick of me,
Of being tired of me
A lot.
And you will spend
These conversations
Feeling like a broken record.
Don’t get bored of me.
I’m just scared
That you’ll see me
The way I see myself.

VII.
I will never be angry
But I’ll get passive-aggressive.
If I tell you
It doesn’t matter
Tell me
It matters
To you.

VIII.
I’m not as broken
As I often like to think I am.
Don’t try to fix me.
I still need to learn.

IX.
I’m afraid of being rejected
But don’t stay
If you don’t want to.
I’d rather be alone
Than with someone
There out of pity.

X.
Be patient
And let me
Grow into your arms.